I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
