I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
