He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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