why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
