How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
