just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
