this just has baby written all over it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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