it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
