now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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