going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
