I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
