i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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