I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
