We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
