I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
