I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
