Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
