My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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