OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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