I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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