my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
