I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
