Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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