Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
