I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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