3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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