Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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