I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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