oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
