this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
