Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
