She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
honey bunches of taint.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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