YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
no, he came in my armpit
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
