I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
