i would punch a child for taco bell
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
