I must be too annoying 4 u.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize