The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
