Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize