Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
