First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
