I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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