Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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