seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
