There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
