yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize