Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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