I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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