I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
