he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
