I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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