fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
