end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize