Cold hands, warm shart.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
