I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize