you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
