that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
