I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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