you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
