guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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