It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
only you would photoshop your dick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
