trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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