imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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