There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
