People in love make me want to vomit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need to align my fucking chakras
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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