PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
